Once Only .. Forever

There are several conflicts that afflict the human mind. Perhaps, nothing more enigmatic than a confused relationship. Girls seem to have always had absolute clarity. The confusion was clearly a guy's thing. Or at least he thought so.

Seeing her after all these years, a multitude of feelings erupted that were dormant for a long while now. He felt a heightened sense of awareness. One which made his heart feel warm and heavy at the same time. It was as though  he felt the presence of something extraordinaire in the vicinity that could not be ignored. Not even for a moment. Soon, all the noise and the people from the surroundings seemed not to exist.

He knew there exists a thin line between friendship and love. He had surely hopped sides several times.

The two were classmates at the college and had spent lot of time together. Too many memories flooded his mind in a short time - movies they'd seen together, trips they'd been together, late night telephone calls and of course, the hours they'd spent at the coffee shop. There were many girls in his life but she was different. She had an aura that would simply lighten up any ambiance and perturb his every time.

In her company, the rest of the world seemed to be moving in slow motion. She could talk all day not get tired of it. And he could simply sit all day admiring her shiny hazel eyes without speaking a word. Every time she laughed, he 'd adore the symphony of her pink lips, shiny eyes and dimples.  He'd crave for one more hearty laugh and would do anything for it. She evoked emotions in him, that he never knew existed. On every instance he'd help her cross the road, he delved to feel her small delicate fingers. He wouldn't care as much about the oncoming truck as much as did to feel her smooth palm.

He wished he could have talked to her about it. But could not. He never seemed to have found words to either explain what he felt or what it did to him. Also, admitting his feelings demanded a lot of courage. Denying it was far more easier and safe.

They had eventually departed with a big tight hug. The one that he would remember for the rest of his life. All the six-foot of him, for once, felt helpless and totally vulnerable at the arms of a girl. He wanted to live in that moment forever. But, it had passed and so did several years after that.
 

It soon occurred to him that it was not her who was special. What was special was 'what he felt for her'. His feelings for her were something he'd never feel for anyone else. Ever. Later, the high paying job would not seem as interesting. His walks  would  tire and solitude bore him.

Suddenly, the noise from the surroundings brought him back to his senses.  Just as easily as it had swayed him away earlier. He realized that he was standing on an elevated stage, in front of an elaborate floral arrangement. A young  lady, studded with precious stones and shiny metal stood beside him. She would, in a short while, become his soul-mate.

It was his wedding and she was there to wish him. He later introduced her to his fiancee as a good friend. He knew he had lied. He knew that he could never accept her as just another friend. He knew he'd have to hold onto his lie for the rest of his life, just as he'd hold onto her memories. 

- Jayanth Jagadeesh